Love of Spouse and Love of God
The love of God is the defining characteristic of true believers. As the Qur’an states:
"And those who believe are greater in love for Allah." (2:165)
This love is the greatest delight of existence, an indescribable pleasure for those who have experienced it. Yet, it is not something we are simply born with—it is cultivated, nurtured, and deepened through reflection and devotion. In His infinite wisdom, Allah created humankind in pairs, granting us the experience of spousal love as an avenue to glimpse the ecstasy of true love. Through this love, we can ascend to an even greater, more profound love: the love of Allah.
Allah tells us in the Qur’an that in our spouses, in the love and affection we share with them, are signs for those who ponder:
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect." (30:21)
In creating us in pairs, Allah highlights that He alone is without a pair, the One and Only. And in the way we cherish, long for, and sacrifice for our spouses, we find valuable lessons that mirror the path to divine love.
One can only truly understood the saying of the lovers of Allah, "The good deeds of the righteous are the shortcomings of the intimate ones," after getting married. Love deepens over time, and the more one loves, the more they realise that what once seemed sufficient in devotion is, in reality, far from enough. This realisation is what brings one closer to Allah.
Lessons of Love: From Spouse to Allah
Through our love for our spouses, we can learn what true love for Allah should look like. Below is a comparison of the attributes of spousal love and how they serve as a ladder to the love of Allah:
| Spousal Love | Love of Allah |
|---|---|
| One is willing to go to great lengths to communicate with their beloved. People will even learn an entire language just to speak with the one they love. | The Qur’an is the communication of Allah to His lovers. Learning its language allows us to fully appreciate His message. |
| One spends long moments in solitude thinking about the beloved, finding joy in those thoughts. | Reflection on Allah, His names, and His attributes brings immense tranquillity and joy to the heart. |
| Every feature of the beloved becomes cherished. Even what was once seen as a flaw becomes beloved. | The more one understands Allah’s wisdom, the more they love every decree He makes, even what once seemed difficult. |
| Being alone with the beloved brings great ecstasy; time flies, and one does not want the communion to end. | Salah, dhikr, and intimate supplication bring the soul a sense of closeness to Allah that makes one forget everything else. |
| One is willing to endure hardships to attain the love and pleasure of the beloved. | True lovers of Allah bear trials with patience, knowing they are a means of drawing nearer to Him. |
| Any difficulty that comes from the beloved is not seen as a burden, but rather as a test of love. | Every test from Allah is a means of purification, strengthening the believer’s love for Him. |
| If the beloved is displeased, one becomes restless until they are pleased again. One will go to great lengths to win back their favour. | A sincere believer feels deep sorrow if they have displeased Allah and hastens to seek His forgiveness. |
| In love, one does not focus on rights and obligations but simply wants to please the beloved. | The truly devoted servant does not worship Allah merely out of obligation, but out of pure love and longing to please Him. |
| One finds immense joy in making sacrifices for the beloved. | The greatest joy is found in sacrificing one’s desires for Allah’s sake. |
| When with the beloved, all else fades from consciousness. | In sincere worship, the presence of Allah overwhelms the heart, making everything else feel insignificant. |
| One does not publicise their love excessively, as it is something sacred and personal. | The love of Allah is an intimate secret between the believer and their Lord, a connection that needs no validation from others. |
| Love is not about personal gain but about selfless devotion to the beloved. | The sincere believer worships Allah not for reward, but because they cannot bear to be distant from Him. |
| Everything and everyone related to the beloved also becomes beloved. | The lovers of Allah cherish His creation, His prophets, His righteous servants, and His signs in the world. |
| Distance from the beloved causes longing; closeness makes one yearn for even greater closeness. | The more one experiences closeness to Allah, the more they desire even deeper intimacy with Him. |
| Love increases with time. | The love of Allah only deepens with knowledge and experience. |
| One eagerly anticipates meeting the beloved. | The ultimate joy for a believer is the hope of meeting Allah in the Hereafter. |
| In the presence of the beloved, the ego fades. One admits faults easily. | Before Allah, the believer humbles themselves completely, acknowledging their weaknesses. |
| No sacrifice is too great for the beloved. | The lovers of Allah give everything for His sake, never seeing it as too much. |
| One does not want anything from the beloved except their presence and happiness. | A true believer desires nothing more than Allah’s pleasure and nearness. |
| One defends the beloved at any cost. | The believer stands firm in defence of Allah’s truth, even if it costs them everything. |
| One finds excuses to serve the beloved. | The true servant seeks every opportunity to do good for the sake of Allah. |
| Even the smallest mistake that displeases the beloved is felt as a major crime. | For the true lovers of Allah, even the slightest deficiency in fulfilling His rights is felt like a major sin. |
| The greatest pleasure comes from doing what pleases the beloved. | The greatest joy in life is in worshipping Allah and fulfilling His commands. |
| Every quality of the beloved is admired. | Allah’s attributes are perfect, and the more we learn about them, the more we adore Him. |
| Every experience in life points back to the beloved. | The believer sees every sign in the universe as a reminder of Allah. |
| The memories of the beloved are cherished. | Remembering Allah (dhikr) brings comfort and joy to the heart. |
| One finds pleasure in struggling for the beloved. | Striving in the path of Allah, whether through sacrifice or hardship, is a source of deep fulfilment. |
A Challenge to the Claimant of Love
O you who claim to love Allah—now measure your love against this scale. Does your heart yearn for Him as a lover yearns for their beloved? Do you think of Him constantly, sacrifice for Him, and desire nothing more than His nearness?
If love for a spouse can be so overwhelming, then what of love for the Creator of love itself? The one who tastes true love for Allah will realise that every other love was only a reflection of the Real Love.
