At the beginning, Allah Most High housed our father Adam (upon him be peace) in Paradise. Despite all the blessings and luxuries that he could enjoy in Paradise, Adam (peace be upon him) wandered its plains alone. In a glance of grace, Allah Most High created for him from his rib, a companion, with whom he could find peace. This companion was none other than our mother, Hawwa (peace be upon her), named such because she was created from something living.[1]
The creation of Hawwa from the rib of Adam is not a deficiency but rather serves as a reminder. A reminder to all sons of Adam that your spouse is a part of you just like a rib is part of the whole. And just as the whole must protect its part, the husband must protect his wife. And just as a rib serves multiple critical purposes, such as protecting the vital organs like the heart and the lungs, giving structure to the chest and upper body, facilitating breathing and allowing the proper function of the back, chest and neck, the wife also serves a critical role. The wife protects the husband’s house and property while he is away, she provides structure to his life, she provides a source of peace amongst the stresses of daily life and allows for him to fulfil the duties that Allah Most High has placed upon him.
At this juncture, it is important to address an unfortunate thought that comes to the mind of many when reading such an explanation: does this mean that women only have value and purpose in marriage in relation to men? This question stems from the clash between genders that has been fabricated by the feminist movement. Islam sees no clash between the roles of men and women, rather it sees harmony. The wife’s role is to support the husband, and the husband’s role is to protect and provide for his wife. None should seek the role of the other, for each role is a path to Paradise. As Allah Most High advises, “And do not crave what Allah has given some of you over others. Men will be rewarded according to their deeds and women equally according to theirs.”[2]
Returning back to the creation of Hawwa (peace be upon her) from the rib, we see the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) taking recourse to this fact when advising men on how best to treat and understand their wives. He stated, “Treat women nicely, for a woman is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women nicely.”[3] This hadith uncovers a number of valuable lessons. Firstly, men and women by their very nature, by their original creation, are different. This reality must be acknowledged, and each spouse must take steps to try and understand the thought process and temperament of the other.
Nowadays, there is an insistence on minimising the difference between the two genders in an effort to create equality between them. This however is an injustice to both women and men. Rather, by accepting the inherent biological and psychological differences between males and females, we will be much better placed to treat each gender in the way that is most conducive to their prosperity in this life and the next. Forcing women to become (like) men is not the path to equality. But rather to realise that the roles of men and women are inherently equal in the sight of God, and they are working hand in hand, according to their unique God-given strengths to earn His pleasure. God did not make women servants of men, rather both men and women are servants of God. And just as an employer will judge two employees in two different roles according to different criteria, God will judge the genders according to His wisdom and criteria specific to each.
In an era of capitalism gone crazy, every role that doesn’t result in the creation of wealth for the one percent, is framed as futile. And so the most noble of all roles, the role of motherhood, of nurturing the next generation, no longer holds the same value or esteem as it once did, because motherhood is the generation and nurture of human beings, not wealth. However, our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) did not fail to give the mother her deserved rank when he made service to her three times more important than service to the father.[4] And so while our father Adam (peace be upon him) came before Hawwa (peace be upon her) in the chronology of creation and he was the first human in Paradise, it is our mother Hawwa (peace be upon her) who was bestowed with Paradise under her feet. Thus, the lesson we learn, is that the elevation of women in society lies not in changing their role to imitate men, but in giving their primary role, that of a homemaker and a child bearer the recognition and appreciation it demands.
Another lesson we can learn from the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) statement that women are created from a rib, is that the husband should not try to change his wife to become just like him, thinking or behaving the way he does. Rather, he must see the beauty and the benefit in the different perspective that his wife provides. Just as a rib is formed to perfectly serve its purpose, Allah has created the woman to perfectly fulfil her purpose. To change the shape of the rib is to render it unfit for its purpose. To forcibly change the traits of a woman, is to render her unfit to fulfil her God-given duties of motherhood, nurture and support.
In modern times, the line between masculinity and femininity has become blurred, with current culture urging parents to ditch blue for the boys and pink for the girls because gender roles and traits are merely a social construct imposed by a patriarchy to subjugate and supress women. But Islam has a different view on the matter. The Prophet (peace be upon him) cursed those men who dress or imitate women and those women who dress or imitate men.[5] Allah Most High has created certain traits and qualities more suited to the female gender, and others more suited to the male gender. To raise children with these traits is not oppression, it is justice, for it is the way Allah Most High intended for our children to be raised. A boy should be raised on masculine qualities so he can grow up to fulfil his role of protection and provision, and a girl should be raised on feminine traits, so she feels no discomfort or shame in fulfilling her role of nurture.
Before the descent of Adam (peace be upon him) to the earth, Allah Most High informed the angels that he intended to place a steward on the land. Thus, one of the primary functions of human beings is stewardship of the Earth, which includes its population and cultivation. This was not possible for Adam (peace be upon him) alone. He required a partner, a spouse, a wife, to help him fulfil this role. And so it becomes clear that each spouse is in complete and utter need of the other, without which human beings could not actualise a key purpose of their creation.
It is important to caveat, that this discussion of the primary roles of men and women does not preclude a woman from taking on other roles. She may take on the role of a merchant like Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her), or a teacher like A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) or any other role that fits her skillset, but she must never forget or ignore her primary purpose – to nurture the next generation. A role only she can adequately fulfil.
So, now that Adam and Hawwa had completed each other, Allah Most High deemed them ready for their first test. He said, “O Adam! Live with your wife in Paradise and eat as freely as you please, but do not approach this tree, or else you will be wrongdoers.”[6] And so Adam and Hawwa (peace be upon them) lived in Paradise together, enjoying its bounties. However, the accursed Satan had other plans. And so he whispered to them, insisting upon them and even taking an oath that they had only been prevented from this particular tree so that they do not become angels or become immortal or owners of Paradise. In this seduction of Satan we learn of the human desire for long lives, for becoming free from the mundane burdens of life such as having to seek provision, and for ownership. But we also learn of Satan’s deep understanding of human nature, which he used to beguile and convince Adam (peace be upon him) and Hawwa (peace be upon her) to eat from the forbidden tree.
Satan’s ultimate goal is to misguide humankind as revenge for his fall from grace. He spares no effort, coming to humankind from every direction, to assail them.[7] And he uses his knowledge of human disposition to help him achieve his goal. In a hadith in the Sahih of Imam Muslim, Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Iblis (Satan) places his throne upon the water; he then sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are those who cause the most trouble. One of them comes and says: I did such and such. Iblis says: You have done nothing. Then another comes and says: I did not leave him until I separated him from his wife. Iblis brings him near to himself and says: You have done well!”[8]
Given that this is the same Satan who used his intimate awareness of human nature to expel our father from Paradise, we learn that one of the most effective ways to lead a person astray and closer to Hellfire is to damage his relationship with his spouse. The spousal relationship serves as a shield to so many sins and provides the structure for both husband and wife to worship their creator and earn His pleasure. Without a healthy marital relationship, man is much more vulnerable to the temptations of Satan. And indeed, the destruction of a marriage is the breakup of families. The breakup of families is the fracturing of communities. The fracturing of communities is the disharmony of societies. And the disharmony of societies leads to the weakness of the ummah.
Returning to the story at hand, as soon as Adam and Hawwa consumed from the tree, their nakedness became exposed to them, and they began to cover themselves with leaves from Paradise.[9] Allah Most High informs us that this was one of the key purposes of Satan in deceiving them.[10] To expose a person’s nakedness is to shame them and humiliate them. And this is a tactic that the Satan has continued to employ to this day. To get humankind to expose that which should be concealed, to facilitate the spread of indecency and immorality. In opposition to the plan of Satan, Allah Most High instituted marriage, which serves as a covering of our nakedness. The Qur’an describes the marital relationship like a garment: covering, concealing, compatible, beautifying, adorning, protecting, and more. And by allowing each partner to seek intimate affection with the other, marriage also serves to conceal our nakedness from all others in society. When marriages are broken, society becomes vulnerable, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) warned us, “Immorality never becomes widespread among a people to the extent that they openly commit it, except that plagues and diseases that were never known among their predecessors will spread among them.”[11]
The likening of the marriage relationship to that of a garment demands further reflection. While marriage is normally portrayed as a partnership, the Qur’an chose to exemplify the marital relationship as clothes to a person. A person who is without clothes would not venture out of the boundaries of their own private space. And even in that space, they would feel uncomfortable until they wear some clothes. Human beings feel incomplete without clothes. And should someone see them without clothes, even by mistake, they would feel extremely embarrassed and rush to conceal themselves. Moreover, in contrast to a partnership in which each partner is typically seeking what is in their best interest, clothes have no interest of their own. They simply seek to mould to the shape of their wearer. Thus, while envisioning the marital relationship as a partnership is not wrong, since a partnership can certainly be mutually beneficial, envisioning it as clothes to the wearer is superior since it points towards a higher level of selflessness in the relationship. The implication is that each partner should think of themselves as a garment for the other, not focused on their own needs, but prioritising the needs of the other. In this way, the marriage is clothed with a feeling of selflessness and consideration of the other. And when each partner does this, both of their needs are met.
After having eaten from the tree, Adam and Hawwa (peace be upon them both) quickly realised their error, and turned to Allah Most High in sincere repentance. They proclaimed, “Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You do not forgive us and have mercy on us, we will certainly be losers.”[12] And so their merciful Lord forgave them. Here we see that the story of the first couple is not just the story of the relationship between a man and woman, and the machinations of the devil, but it’s also the story of the relationship of mistaken man and his loving Lord. Just as Allah Most High relented upon Adam for his error, so should those in authority relent upon those below them. The man is a shepherd over his wife and children, he should overlook their mistakes and give them opportunities for redemption and not condemn them for their shortcomings. A woman is a shepherd over her children, she must also do the same toward them.
It is the way (sunnat) of Allah that people must face the consequences of their actions. And so even though he had forgiven Adam and Hawwa (peace be upon them both), he still required for them to taste the consequence of their choice. And so all the things they had hoped to avoid by consuming from the forbidden tree now became their lot. They were sent down to Earth, where they had to cultivate the land and learn the skills for a fruitful life. Allah Most High blessed Adam and Hawwa (peace be upon them) with many children. The Qur’an mentions the story of two amongst them, the sons of Adam, Habil and Qabil. In the story of their relationship are many lessons for siblings, parents and children. And this will be the focus of the next part in this series, Insha’Allah.
👉 Next in this Series: The Story of Habil and Qabil: Lessons in Sibling Rivalry and Responsibility.
