Relationship with My Rabb

Life is all about relationships. Relationships with our parents and children. Relationships with our spouse and in-laws. Relationships with our neighbours and wider society. Relationships with our fellow human beings. But beyond that, it is also about our relationship with our phone, with sleep, with our body, with food, with our environment and so many other things that we interact with on a daily basis. And above all of this, it is about our relationship with our Creator, our Maker, our Sustainer, our Nourisher, our Lord, our Rabb, Allah Most High.

When our relationship with our Rabb is in a good place, all other relationships will follow. But when our relationship with our Rabb is in a bad place, all our other relationships also suffer. When we set right our relationship with Him, He will enable us to set all other relationships right, because ultimately all the rights that are due upon us from all these other relationships, are such because He said so. We’ve all heard of Maslow’s hierarchy, in which he ranked the needs of human beings from basic needs such as food and drink to higher-level needs such as self-esteem and self-actualisation. But for believers in Allah Most High, our most fundamental need is spiritual, knowing that there is a Maker upon whom we can depend, and our most high-level need is also spiritual: yearning to connect with Him and feel His presence in all aspects of our life and living for His sake. As the Qur’an commands the Messenger to say, “Indeed, my prayer, my sacrifice, my living and my dying are all for Allah, Lord of all the worlds.”

We’ve always been taught from a young age that the purpose of our life is to worship Allah Most High, that we never take a moment to ponder, is this worship supposed to lead to something deeper. Is worship itself the end goal? Or is there a goal beyond mere worship which we should aspire to? The reality is that our definition of worship is to simply obey what Allah Most High tells us to do, which includes praying our daily prayers, fasting in Ramadan, giving our obligatory alms and other such deeds. But true worship goes beyond the physical and ritual aspect of these actions and connects us to their spirit. True worship demands that our deeds become a means to a relationship with Allah Most High. These deeds are not to be done in a vacuum. Rather they form part of a journey towards our Creator. All these actions, when done in their proper spirit, support and strengthen one another in taking us closer to Allah and helping us to have a real relationship with Him.

To live life as a Muslim, someone who submits to the will of Allah Most High, but to not taste the fruits of that submission – a relationship with Allah Most High, is extremely unfortunate. The goal is not to just worship Allah Most High as a checklist for entry into paradise, as a tick-box exercise, or out of fear of His wrath. But the goal is to worship Him, and connect with Him, in such a real way, just like we connect with our siblings and friends.[1]

How is it that we know that Allah Most High is the most powerful, capable of anything, and yet our first thought when a difficult arises is not to turn to Him, but instead call our closest friend? This is because we don’t think or interact with Allah Most High as someone who is part and parcel of our daily lives. Rather, we think of him as someone we must obey, and as long as we are obeying Him, and not disobeying Him, then we can get on with the rest of our lives. The fact of the matter is that every living moment, every breath that we take should be permeated by Allah Most High. He should be at the centre of our existence, not at the periphery, only involving Him when it seems convenient to do so, like elderly parents who are consulted for the sake of keeping them happy, and not for seeking their genuine advice.

The fruits of a life of submission to Allah Most High, is a relationship with Him, that helps us to overcome every challenge, to climb out of the depths of every sadness, and to give thanks to Him for every blessing. When we have a relationship with Allah, we feel invincible knowing that behind us we have the most powerful being, supporting us, willing us on, guiding us every step of the way. Just like a man who knows that he has friends in the highest echelons of power, he will step confidently knowing that he has important people to call upon should the need ever arise. This is the feeling that we should have as Muslims, knowing that we have Allah Most High with us. The reason we don’t get this feeling is that our worship does not extend beyond ritual, we have never seen it as a path to something greater, a path to a relationship with our Lord.

Once we develop this relationship, this worship is now transformed. A prostration is no longer just a prostration done out of compulsion, but it is an act of recognition of the grandiosity of our master, an act of humility before His majesty, an act of letting go of all our worries knowing that He is in control and He will always look after us. It is an act that leaves us with serenity, and peace and tranquillity, and this was why the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “The coolness of my eyes is in the salat.”[2]

So how exactly do we go about developing a relationship with our Creator? Firstly, by knowing that there is such a goal to be attained and then by setting it as a target and seeking Him through all of our actions and statements. And beyond that, by doing all the things that we would do to develop any other relationship. Relationships are precious, they require time. It is not possible to nurture any healthy relationship, without giving that relationship time, regularly and frequently. The same applies to our relationship with Allah Most High, we must give it time in a way befitting to it. This means spending time remembering Him, in public, and also in solitude. It means calling unto Him, for everything from a shoelace to a shiny new car. And most importantly, it means living a life aligned to His remembrance.

The zikr of Allah is not just restricted to our tongues, or even our hearts, but it should reflect in our lifestyle and choices. There is no separation between the time in which we engage in ritual worship and the rest of our lives. This is a false dichotomy. Every moment should be a moment of presence, of connection, of awareness (i.e. remembrance) of Allah. The opposite of zikr is ghaflah. This refers to a type of heedlessness in which we know in our subconscious that Allah is real, that He is watching, but continue to live a lifestyle as if He doesn’t exist, as if He doesn’t know what we are doing or thinking. The purpose of remembrance is not just restricted to the prayer mat, but it is meant to awaken us from a state of heedlessness to a constant awareness of Allah and living a life that is cognisant of and reflects this reality.  

How do we know that Allah Most High doesn’t just want to us to worship Him during certain set times of the day and live the remainder of our hours in forgetfulness of Him? How do we know that He wants our complete devotion, and attention and He wants us to dedicate our entire existence to cultivating a relationship with Him? We know this because of the most beautiful names that He has given Himself, and the way that He has framed our relationship with Him. He has given himself the title of Rabb. In the first verse of Surat al-Fatihah, after we are informed of His proper name: Allah, the first quality we are informed of is His status as Rabb.

What does Rabb mean?[3] While it is typically translated as Lord, the word actually contains a number of connotations and consequently implies a number of relations. Firstly, Rabb connotes ownership. Allah Most High owns us just like we own an item. He is free to do with us as He wishes since we are in His ownership, just like we are free to do with our possessions as we will. This means just like we can throw something we possess in the trash, or break it or damage it, and no one can say anything to us, in the same way, Allah Most High has every right to do with us as He wills, and no one can question Him. This first aspect of Rabb implies a relationship of owner and owned, of master and slave. And yet despite being our master, He chooses to look after us, care for us, sustain us and nourish us. This is the second aspect of the word Rabb, and it implies a relationship of care. Allah Most High owns us and treats us with care and love like we would treat a beloved possession. And the third aspect of Rabb is that He nurtures us gradually, from infancy to adulthood, from weakness to strength, which implies a relationship of guidance. If we accept and follow the path that He is guiding us to in life, it will lead us closer to Him and to a relationship with Him. And finally, Rabb is one of the only names in the Qur’an, which is personalised. We don’t say, my Rahman, or my Rahim, but we do say, and are taught to say, my Rabb. Thus, the word Rabb tells us that Allah created us so that we could enjoy a personal relationship with Him and attain the honour of being His servants.

Now, if Allah Most High wants us to have a relationship with Him, what is it that stops us from reciprocating? Many of us fear that by getting into a relationship with our Lord, by striking a friendship with Him, we will have to give up doing many of the things that we enjoy. And so we choose the fleeting pleasure of this world over the eternal companionship of our Creator. For others, it is their sinful lifestyle which leaves them too ashamed to consider having a real relationship with Him. They feel that it is not possible to have a relationship with Allah Most High while continuing to disobey him. And thus, they may pray, but their prayer is hollow and devoid of the remembrance of God, because they feel embarrassed at having to face God in prayer in a sinful state. And so rather than use the prayer as a tool to seek His help, they pray absent-minded just to fulfil the obligation, not attaining any of the fruits of prayer. For some others, it is a bad experience in life for which they blame Allah Most High that prevents them from wanting a relationship with Him. They feel Allah Most High is to blame for a lost child, or a failed business, or a missed opportunity, and so they try to ‘punish’ Allah Most High by not reciprocating His offer of friendship.

But ultimately, each of these justifications are found wanting. By striking a friendship with Allah Most High and getting into a relationship with Him, we are not giving up pleasure, we are rather gaining the opportunity to experience the sweetest pleasure this life has to offer, the sweetness of a prostration to Allah knowing that He has your back. And by avoiding Allah because we are embarrassed of our sins, we fail to realise that by sinning, we have not wronged Him as much as we have wronged ourselves. And that is why we say, “Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves and if you do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will certain be from amongst the losers.” Nowhere are we told that upon sinning we should turn away from Allah, rather the correct response after a sin is to turn toward Allah, to do tawbah and inābah which refer to a turning back to Allah. The Qur’an tells us to “Flee to Allah”. That is the best protection from sin. To accept that we have erred and to beseech Him for help. This is what it means to have a relationship with Him: to know that even after sinning, He doesn’t abandon you but wants you to return so He can forgive you and purify you from the oppression that you have committed upon yourself. Thus, even in a moment of sin, Allah is our closest friend, the only one who can free us from the burden of sin.

And as for those who blame God for a calamity or apparent failing in their life, then know that every calamity which brings us closer to Allah is actually a blessing, and every apparent blessing which takes us away from Allah is actually calamity. And this actually brings us to the most important point of this discussion, to realise that everything should be viewed from the lens of our relationship with Him Most High. Anything that helps us get closer is a boon, and anything that makes us stagnate, or worse, distances us, is a disaster. Every salat we pray in which we don’t get closer to Him is a lost opportunity. Every pound that we profit that earns His displeasure is actually a loss. Should we develop this lens at looking at life, we will truly be able to distinguish between what is good for us and what is bad.

Along with giving time, for a relationship to prosper, it requires us to know what the one we are seeking likes and dislikes, and to then adopt the likes and avoid their dislikes. This is one of the fastest ways to elevate any relationship, because it shows commitment and willingness to sacrifice for the sake of that relationship. And so should we seek the closeness of our Creator, we must hasten to those things which He loves and desist from those things which He dislikes. This is an important station in the journey to Allah Most High, but there are many stations beyond this, which are exemplified in the story commemorated in Dhul Hijjah and in the Hajj, the story of the Prophet Ibrahim and his family.

When the Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) was instructed by Allah Most High to leave his wife Hajar and their young son Isma’il in a barren valley, Ibrahim (peace be upon him) immediately submitted, never asking why, but always trusting that Allah would look after them. When he was commanded to make the greatest possible sacrifice, to sacrifice his own son Isma’il at the age in which the father can most benefit from the son, he again submitted, without asking why. Ibrahim (peace be upon him) displayed the depth of his relationship with Allah – complete submission, utmost trust and the willingness to sacrifice all else to attain his beloved. Thus, we learn that just as we can grow in our spousal and familial relationships, we can also grow in our relationship with our creator. And to grow in this relationship, there are new levels to unlock and new traits to gain.

As human beings, we have a deep yearning to connect to our creator, greater than the yearning that a young man or woman may have to find a partner to complete them. This yearning is felt in our souls, and it is a call that many people unfortunately ignore. But with the right mindset and perspective, we can take all the opportunities that life gives us to attain this connection and this closeness. A moment of grief is an opportunity for connection. A moment of happiness is an opportunity for connection. A moment in nature is an opportunity for connection. A moment reading the book of Allah is an opportunity for connection. A moment spent with family is an opportunity for connection. The divine is hidden in every moment. It is lying just under the surface, waiting to be discovered. Look for the divine in every moment and try and connect every experience to the one who gave you this ultimate blessing of life. Start every deed with bismillah, follow up every goodness with alhamdulillah, contain every calamity with inna lillah, and make your life sacred by centring it around Allah Allah.

If you want a snapshot as to where your relationship with Allah is at any given moment in life, look to the state of your salat.[4] The quality of your salat is directly proportional to your relationship with Allah. When your relationship with Allah is strong, your salat will feel transcendent. When your relationship with Allah is average, your salat will feel ritualistic. And when your relationship with Allah is poor, your salat will feel burdensome. And if you want to elevate your relationship with Allah, then look first to your salat. The first thing to be questioned on the day of judgement is our salat, and should the salat be sound, everything else will follow. But should the salat be found lacking, everything will be similarly so. The first thing to rectify for a real relationship with Allah is our salat. Invest time in your prayer, learn how to improve it and really use it to connect to Allah. Our Prophet (peace be upon him) went on the night journey, in which he ascended the seven heavens and had a personal meeting with his Creator. Our opportunity for ascension is our salat. Rectify your salat and you rectify your relationship with Allah.

Just as in salat, in every moment we think, what does Allah want me to do here, and then we carry that out, regardless of our own desire, this ethos should also transcend outside of the prayer. In salat, we go from standing to bowing to standing again and then to prostrating. The thought doesn’t even cross our mind that it would be more efficient to combine both acts of standing done first, followed by bowing and prostrating. We do it the way Allah wants. This is how we should try and think outside of prayer, for ultimately the prayer is a training ground for daily life. At every juncture in life, we should ask ourselves, what does Allah want me to do here, and then follow through with that. By this simple action, we will be able to make our entire existence centred around God. We will stop making decisions based on false criteria such as material gain or social standing but rather based on the Truth. We won’t decide to take up a certain job simply because it pays more, we will consider whether it allows us to pray, whether it is conducive to our spiritual health, and whether it helps us get closer to Allah or will potentially take us away from Him. By making this the lens through which we look at life, we will be seeing through the light of God. As the hadith says, “Be aware of the foresight of the believer, for he sees with the light of Allah.”

A big part of making Allah real in our life, as real as the humans with whom we interact on a daily basis, is to converse with Him as you would converse with a friend. Just as you would thank a friend for a favour, or call him up for some help, thank Allah for the favours you experience and call Him up every time you need help. Don’t wait to get on the prayer mat, or to recall specific utterances in Arabic. While of course these do have a time and place and a benefit, they should not prevent you from interacting with Allah. Just as you don’t wait for the perfect words to form to speak to your closest friend, you speak from your heart, the words raw and real, we can also speak with Allah in the same way, because Allah is certainly the protecting friend of the believer. He takes us out from circumstances of darkness to the light of hope. So learn to converse with Allah in this way, and you will feel His presence as much more real and tangible in your life.

After all this, hopefully a realisation will have arisen in the heart that there is a black hole in the centre of your heart, that can only be filled by something greater than it. It can only be filled by your relationship with your creator, and nothing else. It can not be filled by your spouse or your children, by your friends or your colleagues. It cannot be filled by your work or your fame, by your money or your status. It can’t be filled by any idol, for your heart was created for tawhid, for the oneness of Allah and for His love, and to love anything else because of His love, and this is the perfection of imān.

So if you wish to know develop this relationship with Allah Most High, ask yourself, where am I currently in my relationship with Him and what do I need to do next? Is He the priority in my life, the centre of my existence? Is everything I do truly for His sake and attain His closeness? What is the state of my salat? Am I present or absent in my prayer? How do I call unto Allah, like a friend or like a foreigner? How much time do I dedicate to cultivating my relationship with Him? Start with solving these problems. Assign personal time with Him, for focused prayer and conversation. Start doing everything consciously thinking of what He would want in any given situation and doing it in a manner that would bring you closer to Him.

If you take this first step, and begin the journey, then trust Allah will do the rest. As your Rabb, He will nurture and guide you the rest of the way to a beautiful relationship with Him. Because in a hadith qudsi He himself tells us, “I am as My servant thinks of Me. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself. If he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in a better assembly. If he draws near to Me a handspan, I draw near to him an arm’s length. If he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.”[5]

This is a never-ending journey, but its fruits are beautiful. You can see this first-hand in the example of our role-model, Muhammad (peace be upon him). Our Messenger was not just a man who worshipped Allah. He was a man who had a deep and powerful relationship with Allah, that enabled him to overcome all the adversities that he faced. I leave you with a moment in his life which captures for us this relationship. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) had done his utmost to spread the message of Islam in Makkah, he resorted to a plan B. He decided to try and call the people of Ta’if, the other major town, to Islam. And so he approached their leaders. But rather than just rejecting his message, they called the street urchins upon him, to pelt him and stone him. And so as the beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) left Ta’if, bleeding and exhausted, heartbroken at the rejection he had just faced, in this moment of despair and sorrow, he called unto Allah Most High and spoke to Him in a manner which indicates to us the relationship that he had with his Creator.

He said, “O Allah! To You alone I complain of my weakness, my lack of ability, and my insignificance in the eyes of people. O Most Merciful of the merciful! You are the Lord of the weak, and You are my Lord. To whom do You leave me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy whom You have given control over my affairs? As long as You are not angry with me, I do not mind. However, Your safety and ease is more expansive for me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face which illuminates all darkness, and through which every affair of this world and the Hereafter is set right, from Your anger descending upon me or Your wrath befalling me. To You alone I submit and turn in apology until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except with You.”[6]

This was not a supplication spoken without understanding. These were words which emanated from the depths of the heart and spoke of the desperate state he was in. Words which reflected his deep and binding connection with Allah, and his inseverable relationship with Him. It was this relationship with his Creator that allowed him to overcome such devastating rejection and affliction over and over again and reach the heights of greatness that he did. And so my parting message is that we should not just strive to follow our Messenger in his sunnahs, or in his worship, but also in cultivating a relationship with Allah Most High like he had, so that our greatest focus in life, through all the challenges and difficulties, is the status of our relationship with Him. And should we as Muslims achieve this, then there is nothing that can stop us from reclaiming the heights of civilisational greatness that the Muslims ummah once boasted, and attaining the pleasure of our Lord, for it the greatest of things to be sought and obtained: “And the pleasure of Allah is greater.”

May Allah Most High grant us such a relationship. Amin

If you’re interested in cultivating a deep and long-lasting relationship with Allah, join our Free Workshop, “Relationship with My Rabb” taking place on Sunday 1^st June.

Register here: bit.ly/rabb-workshop