In the oft-quoted ḥadīth found in Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, describing the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) practice during the last ten nights of Ramadan, we are told that he would stay awake the entire night, exerting himself in worship. But an equally important detail—often overlooked—is that he would also awaken his wives, inviting them to partake in the banquet of mercy being served in these nights. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was living the Qur’anic imperative: “O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…” (66:6)
Today, with the many spiritual opportunities open to men—daily prayers in congregation, night prayers, iʿtikāf, Friday sermons, and the myriad of lectures and programmes—a spiritual gap can slowly begin to form between a husband and his wife. The reverse is also possible: a woman who is actively studying the dīn may find herself growing at a different pace to a husband who is not. Over time, this imbalance can become a door to tension in the marriage.
The more religious spouse may begin to prioritise differently—placing greater importance on Islamic education for the children or making spiritual demands the other isn’t prepared for. For instance, a husband may suddenly expect his wife to adopt the face veil, not realising she hasn’t had the same exposure or growth. Or a wife, having gained more Islamic knowledge, may begin to find in her husband habits that she previously tolerated but now struggles with.
To prevent such clashes, it’s vital that each partner takes the other along on their journey of growth—especially during this sacred season. Encourage your spouse to join you in seeking closeness to Allah during these nights, just as the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) did with his wives.
At the same time, a certain level of difference in religious development is natural and to be expected. Even with the Prophet’s personal guidance, his wives did not reach his rank. The Qur’an reminds us of their human struggles when it says: “O Prophet, say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world and its adornment, then come—I will provide for you and let you go graciously.” (33:28)
Growth takes time. While we encourage, we must also be patient and accommodating. We must invite our spouses to the dīn with wisdom and gentleness. This means understanding how they think and advising them in ways they can receive. For example, a wife whose husband doesn’t pray may gently invite him to pray with her at times, creating a shared moment rather than issuing a command. She may also share what she’s learned from beneficial lectures and introduce him to scholars or teachers who have inspired her.
So as we approach these final nights of Ramadan, don’t just chase spiritual heights alone. Invite your family to rise with you.
